I Procrastinated Myself into Homelessness

I have been a terrible procrastinator all my life. I can remember the time that my procrastination actually made me feel upset. I lived in a trailer court and was about 13 or 14 years old. The neighbor spoke to my mom about me mowing his lawn for a little money. So, I did the work once. I don’t recall liking the experience and found the lawn mower loud and annoying. He paid me $5 afterwards. This might have been in 1988.

A week or so later, he needed his lawn mowed again. This time I was not so enthused about doing it and put off the chore for a little bit later while I sat in my bedroom and stared at the ceiling. Before I knew it, I heard a lawn mower start up from his direction. I peered out one of the trailer windows to see another kid mowing the neighbors lawn. I was crestfallen.

My mom kept telling me to mow his lawn but I wouldn’t listen to her. She didn’t know anything anyways. After the other kid left, my mom told me to go over to the neighbor and apologize for not mowing his lawn. I did walk over and felt very upset while talking to the neighbor. But he just said that the job was done and that was that. I never mowed his lawn again after that.

There are a lot of jobs that I will pass up because I just don’t care about them. They either don’t seem rewarding nor is there much pay to entice me. I’m so glad there are other people out there who are willing to work for less than me. I have no bargaining power because I have a habit of asking for more.

However, sometimes I settle for less when I get really desperate too. I took a menial job as a recycle center operator. It was for low pay and few hours. I got fired for making a mistake. I failed to move the sign that said it was open.

My procrastination seems to come on frequently because I also suffer from a short attention span couple with lapses in judgement. I may hear about an opportunity, forget about it for a little bit and then remember it after the event occurred. This has happened many times. It is very frustrating to deal with a brain like mine. However, I take on the perspective that maybe it’s better this way.

Maybe it’s better to be living in my car while other more successful people enjoy the benefits of their timeliness and responsibilities. I am a loser who cannot handle responsibility. I loathe other people who are successful and do better than me. They just don’t seem real. Where is the blood? Where is the sweat?

Many people are successful for being at the right place at the right time. I do neither and generally avoid the public eye often. My opportunities keep passing me by. First, the opportunities came at me like a tidal wave when I was younger, but now they seem to come more in a trickle. But even with the rarity of opportunities that are available, I still end up missing them.

I have to know there was something to do that I failed to do to be called a procrastinator. There are known procrastinations and unknown procrastinations. I think I may not beware of some opportunities that i just miss and never realize.

Part of my problem is that I like to move slowly and enjoy the moments. I especially like to enjoy the pains of exercise. I would exercise all day if I could. The jobs these days are very reliant on machines that are not physically invigorating. Pushing a gas-powered lawnmower is boring. But the human-powered grass clippers are a joy.

I look back on that old man who wanted his grass mowed in the trailer court. I wonder if I would have been more motivated to mow his grass with the grass clippers instead of a gas-powered engine. I like the quietness and physical challenge of using my own muscles for work. I loved to be more physical even in my teens.

One other problem I put things off is because of the sun. I believe it was very hot that day and I do terrible work in the heat. I can’t stand the sun, and I’m sure it was probably a clear day on that day that he wanted his grass mowed. I have to wonder what my attitude would have been like if it was cloudy or rainy. I think I would have been more likely to do the job in cooler weather.

Everybody has their finicky tolerances though.


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